I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Randomize
