i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Never underestimate the power of titties
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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