Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize