just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
