talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
