I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
