Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
