so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
