That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
