She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm like, not good at living.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
