i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
