nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Too much gin, very little bucket
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Randomize
