I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
i think my cat just said my name.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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