last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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