I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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