You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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