I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
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