She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
