the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
