I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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