the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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