I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
