I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Still dying that you shit outside
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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