I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
