Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.