my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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