i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
23 Insane Reasons People Got Fired
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.