Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"