I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER