I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
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I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
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Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.