Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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