areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Dating After Heartbreak
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.