I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
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He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
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After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
i think my cat just said my name.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.