um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize