This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
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