Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful