Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
27 Hairstyles That Always Come With A Matching Personality
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi