I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
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i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
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Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.