So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
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All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
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I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad