hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.