why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
