the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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