i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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