I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
