when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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