Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
