So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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