erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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