i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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