if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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