I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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