dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
