i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
