We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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