im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
