I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
