i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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