4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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