i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
