Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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