apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
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ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
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Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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