Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
