Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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