I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
