I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
It's rum buckets o'clock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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