i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
