just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
