I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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