He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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