Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
