his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
