she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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